(Un) Happy 4th

Last night I held my dad. I hugged him, I kissed him. I smelled him. I told him I loved him. He was happy,smiling, and wearing his plain white tee.
I didn't want that dream to end. Ever.
It's been a while since I have dreamt with my dad. I was so happy to be with him again, if only for a little and if only in my dreams.
I find myself missing him so much. I hate crying in front of my son, my parter, my siblings and even more in front of my mom. I have to be strong.
My dad loved the 4th of July. I can even say that it was his favorite holiday. Why??  I'm not even sure exactly why but he really loved it.  Since the 4th of July is right around the corner, I find myself missing him more than ever. I remember that we used to celebrate the 4th in a lake/park in Evanston. We would get there early in the morning to get a good spot to grill and relax. In the evening, he loved being front and center for the firework show.
He loved many things in life. How am I going to make it through this year and the rest of my life without him??
He enjoyed doing the little things in life.
For the holidays, he always made sure we got the best experience he could provide for us. He would buy us costumes and take us out trick or treating on Halloween. He would have us help him choose and decorate the Christmas tree (we even got a chance to help him wrap up presents). He would buy us firecrackers for the 4th. He would give us money to buy mom something for Mothers' Day and for her birthday.
 He would take us to the museums. He loved the Plants of the World exhibit at the Field Museum.
 He wold take us to the  zoo. He loved the botanical garden at the Lincoln Park Zoo.
Summertime was grillin' time....he loved to grill and relax in his backyard.
Now summertime feels grey...like its missing my dad as well.