Thursday, June 23, 2011

Is it wrong for me to feel depressed??
I feel very sad....extremely sad at times. Is it depression?? I don't know.
But what I do know is that every time I find myself feeling like this, I take me to the side and say,"hey, you...get a hold of yourself".
Bad mom..bad partner..bad sibling..bad daughter.
I feel like all of the above when I find myself in my sad days.
In my sad days, all I wanna do is stay in bed and cry. Cry loud and long.
Please don't ask me,"why are you crying?', because it will be the same answer as the last time. Please don't ask me to 'be strong", because on my sad days I don't wanna hear that.
All I wanna do on my sad days is just cry.
Cry for the man I lost.
Cry because I won't get to see him in this lifetime ever again.
Cry because I won't get to see his hair turn grey.
Cry because I won't ever hear "Chingao"* again from him.
I love my son, my partner, my siblings, and my mom...and I hate feeling like I am letting them down somehow when I'm having one of those days.
But all I wanna do some days is just cry.....please just let me cry in peace.

*Chingao is the equivalent to damn ( at least in my dad's case it was)

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