Monday, April 25, 2011


Why didn't my dad just stop  drinking.? Why was he so damn selfish and think only about his needs? Why the hell didn't he stop drinking when his doctor told him to? Why didn't he listen to me when I pleaded for him to stop drinking? Why? I feel like screaming loudly.

 I feel like crying but mainly like screaming as hard and as loud as I possibly can.

It's just not fair to lose a parent this way. He caused his own death. There I said it.

So here I am sitting at home, typing away. I miss my dad. It pains me to say this but he really did cause his own demise.

He was sober for about 8-9 months straight. I was so proud of him. He was proud of himself. But in the end,
his need to drink was too strong. He started drinking again. Drank himself to death.

All his major organ systems failed because his liver was severely damaged due to his chronic alcoholism.

I feel so much anger at times. Anger at my dad for being an alcoholic.

 Anger at my inability to help him. Anger at my mom for drinking with him.

Anger at his family for not supporting him as he supported them in their time of need.

Anger at god for taking him away.

I had a hard time writing this because I hate feeling this way but this is my venue to vent, so here I am venting away.

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